There's something to the whole homeless guy working for food. I am thinking of expanding on it; maybe go down and buy twenty bags of those forty-nine cent tacos from Del Taco and then head over to The Home Depot and get the Mexican's hanging around out front to paint my house.

Mexicans are always hanging around the parking lot of The Home Depot looking for work. And good for them. I just wished some Asians would hang out in front of Best Buy. I could get them to come back to my place, set up my big screen and show me how to Tivo my shows. I'd even pay cash for that, but if they preferred,  I could take them to the all you can eat Chinese Buffet and Sushi Bar.

I wonder how prevalent the whole racial stereo type of associating at race with those of particular job skills looking for work really is? Maybe somewhere theres a group of Jewish guys hanging out in in the parking lot of H and R Block.

East Indians wouldn't be in the parking lot of the 7-11, 'cause well, they are already working inside. Though I bet in India there are a lot American's hanging out in the parking lot of  tech support centers.

And who knows, maybe there are some middle eastern guys hanging out in the parking lot of a demolitions company. That old building need to come down? Not a problem, the middle eastern guys can just walk inside and -- boom! 

Nobody ever hangs out in the parking lot of Pep Boys looking for work. You would think they would. After all there are already eighteen people in the parking lot working on their own damn cars. You can't go to a Pep Boys, or an Auto Zone, or a Checker Auto Parts without seeing people underneath the hood of their cars.  It's annoying. I mean, you don't pull up to a Walgreens Pharmacy and find people in the parking lot giving their kids a treatment for head lice.

I had no idea how competitive this whole looking for menial work really is. I saw a fight break out between a homeless guy and some illegals in front of a Home Depot because the illegals were upset that the homeless guy charging food was undercutting their price. It started a whole gang war. The homeless dudes got together and did a push by. Which is basically a drive by with a shopping cart.

Of course,  in the end, people complain that we are contributing to the aid of illegals buy giving them work no matter what business they hanging out in front of. A lot of people want to see something done about illegal immigration. Many suggest building a wall from the east coast of Texas all the way to California. Others complain that would be too expensive. I say there's an easy solutions. We just head down to the Home Depot and pick up some cheap labor.

I see this homeless guy today with a sign, "Will work for food." Which I never understood. I mean if I were homeless, I wouldn't want food. I would want things like bricks, lumber, aluminum siding. Maybe at the very least a gift card to the Home Depot. I mean if you're homeless, shouldn't a house be your primary objective? Maybe that's how ginger bread houses got started. Some homeless guy worked, got food, and used it to build a house at the same time. But then he winds up getting hungry so eats it and is back to being homeless again. Homelessness is such an perpetuating circle.

I read this article once about homeless Eskimos. I'm not sure how an Eskimo become homeless. What does he do? Blame it on global warming?

Anyway, I ignored the homeless guy and looked straight ahead at the red light. I hate it when I pull up to a read light and there's one of those homeless people right there. It's not so bad if you have the proverbial buffer car in front of you. Then they have to deal with it. But when you are right up front, they're looking at you. I just try to look straight ahead, fool with the radio, make sure my registration and insurance card are not out of date. Anything not to act like I see the guy.

So, I ignored the homeless guy, but that got me thinking: I am actually hungry myself. I could go for a Roasted Chicken Club from Arby's. I think that's how their new slogan, "I'm thinking Arby's" actually began.

So I show up to Arby's and ordered a Roasted Chicken Club sandwich. But when I sit down and take a bite, I find out its ice cold. I mean, the cheese isn't even melted. I take it up to the counter and tell the manager. He tries to tell me it's supposed to be a cold sandwich.  I said to him, it's called a Roasted Chicken Club sandwich. Roasted means hot. He proceeds to tell me no, it's a cold sandwich. Now, I've eaten this sandwich a million times. In fact one time I ordered it in the drive-through and accidentally dropped it in my lap. It was so hot, it burned my crotch. My law suit is pending.

But that's beside the point. I know this sandwich is supposed to be hot and this guy is trying to lie to me like I'm Judge Judy. So I tell him once again, no, it's supposed to be hot! So he tells me if I want he'll warm it up for me in the microwave. Great, now I am paying five bucks for left overs. I tell him no. I want a whole new ROASTED Chicken Club Sandwich. So he gives me this dirty look, but agrees. And off he goes.

So now I am proud -- I stood up for myself! I told this guy! I wanted a new sandwich and that's exactly what's happening. This guy is making me a new sandwich! This guy is back there right now - pissed off at me - making me a new sandwich... This guy is back there right now - alone - pissed off at me - making me a new sandwich. This guy is back there going, "You want a hot sandwich mister!? You got a hot sandwich! I have a spot right here between my clamy ass cheeks that's nice and warm! And while I am at it, let me put some special sauce on there for you!"

All I can see flashing through my mind is images from one of those Fox TV Shows:  Fox's Most Disgusting Surveillance Tapes Ever. Like the one where the guy took a leak in his co-workers coffee pot. Now I was never a big fan of shows like that.  I used to think it was trash TV. But now I am thinking they are a positive contribution to public awareness. I mean, how many office workers were tipped off to urine laced coffee because of seeing this show?  Now those special tablets people drop into their swimming pools have a wider scope of purpose. Your co-worker pours his coffee and sees a neon blue tint to it -- somebody needs to start asking questions. Like why nobody's ever seen Kawolski use the bathroom, yet he keeps taking so many coffee breaks in the lounge. Or why that Mister Coffee filter looks strangely a lot like my kid's diaper.

Who knows what's going on with my food. So when the guy comes back with my food, I'm nervous. I wish I had those body guards that kings and presidents have to taste their food for me. Or even those special swimming pool tablets. But I took my meal, said thank you, and left.

I then left the Arby's and had the homeless guy wash my car for me.

He gladly accepted payment in the form of Roast Chicken Club sandwich. Of course by then it was cold, but to him that really didn't make a difference.

I saw an ad today for an all male gym. The ad was like, if you are tired of co-ed gyms, come here!  OK, I suppose if you are gay, that has huge advantages. But really, what STRAIGHT guy would go to an all male gym? First of all, guys like to see hot chicks working out. It inspires us to work out. We want to look good. That's what I never understood about guys working out in jail. Who'd want to look good in jail?  Again, I suppose some people would. But maybe the rest are working out in case they had to beat the crap out of guy who thinks they look good no matter what they look like. It's all self defense.

By the way, I was thinking tonight about the phrase beat the crap out. When I was a kid, and my older brother would get really mad at me and yell, "I'm going to beat the crap out of you!" I would run and lock myself in the bathroom and take a really big dump. Then I would walk out and go up to him say, "I'd like to see you try that now!"

But I digress.

Back to the all male gyms. Or any guy who would want to go to an all male gym. The thing is, men are sexual pigs. We would go after any woman we could. That's why it's impossible for a man to just be friends with a girl, because the whole time we'd be trying to figure out a way to hook up with her. Unless she was a pig herself, sexual or not.   So according to that rational, that all men are sexual pigs, if a guy is gay, how in the world could he just be friends with another gay guy?  Maybe that's why some gay guys stay in the closet for so long - they're too busy to leave.

But on the other hand, if a gay guy tells another gay guy he just wants to be friends - wow - that's the ultimate insult. You know you're ugly when you can't even get the gender who constantly thinks about sex to hook up with you.

I read an article last week that said unattractive people are more likely to commit a crime than attractive people. I don't think that's the case. I think the ugly people are just caught more. Why? Because there victims could never forget that face.

And imagine if an ugly guy goes to prison and all the other prisoners still just want to be his friend.  Man. That's ugly. At least he's in the ultimate male gym and has twenty five to life to try to get into shape. Maybe eventually somebody will think he's hot.

I can't find my wedding ring. I took it off cause it was bothering me -- no deep underlying subconscience statement on my marriage mind you - I was just feeling bloated that day. So I took it off. I guess if it was more comfortable I would have left it on. Hind sight is twenty twenty...  

See... when my wife and I went to buy our wedding rings we found a pair we liked. However, right next to it, was the exact same pair, only four hundred dollars more. I asked the sales woman why. She explained to me that those rings were what they called the "comfort fit." If I was going to wear my wedding ring all the time, I wanted the "comfort fit" because like its name suggests, it fits more comfortably. I tried it on, and it did feel much better to wear, only the additional four hundred dollars didn't feel better - except to the jeweler.

If you make a product that people wear, don't you think every product you make should actually fit right? Why make a product and then tell people if they want it to actually fit, they have to pay more money? I mean I don't walk into the Gap to have the sales person tell me that I am a size thirty four waist, but if I want the size thirty four that actually fits, I have to pay forty dollars more for the "comfort fit." Those jeans don't come with the jagged razor in the crotch.

But maybe that actually is the case. I see all these kids walking around the mall with those baggy pants that hang down below their rear end. Maybe there are pants out there that really do fit them, its just that they're more expensive. And who can afford that on today's allowance? Teenage clothing is expensive enough.

Clothing is one thing, but jewelry is another. That was one of the main talking points the sale woman at the jeweler wanted to drive home. She was a pro. "What's spending four hundred extra dollars, one time, for a marriage that will last a lifetime?" she asked.

The trap was set. How many times was that line used on a man in front of his future bride? What do you say? How much is this marriage worth to you? Priceless should be the answer. You should be willing to spend any amount. Though no guy I know is willing to spend any amount, they just don't want their girlfriends to know that.

And the jeweler knows they don't want their girlfriends to know that either, that's why this is one of the oldest tricks in the book. Lore them in, ask the question, and the rest will work itself out to the tune of hundreds of dollars filling the cash register.

I needed an out. Of course I am willing to spend any amount I say. But this is not about money. See, I explain, if I wear the uncomfortable fit, the ring calls attention to itself. And if I think of the ring, I think of my wife.

If the ring is comfortable, I forget I am wearing it. I stop thinking about the ring, I stop thinking about my wife - and start thinking about that eighteen year old baby sitter next door. Suddenly, paying four hundred dollars more for the comfort fit, is now costing me several thousand dollars in alimony. So I'll get the uncomfortable fit, save the four hundred bucks, and save my marriage at the same time.

But then again, even if you can't find your wedding ring -- it's an item that is easily replaceable. A house, cars, investment portfolios, residual checks, and bank accounts are not so easily replaceable. And those are things that everyday help to remind me to stay happily married.

Speaking of God...

Why is it that only Christian denominations go door to door? Imagine if athiests did.

"Hi, we are some athiest missionaries sharing a message."

"Really, what's your message?"

"Ah... Nothing."

And you know, we always consider God to be an all knowing, all wise, omninpotent, mature, father. Did it ever occur to anybody that God just might be a scared teenager who had a baby out of wedlock?

He's nervous, immature, upset that he can't go out with his buddies like he used to. Maybe that's why the world is such a screwed up place, he's just letting us run around doing whatever the heck we want because he doesn't know any better.

Then of course like with all kids they finally get to that one really loud, really obnoxious point where they are fighting with each other and dad just freaks out and goes nuts because he can't watch the game in peace. That's when we get hit with an earthquake, a flood... That's God's way of popping in the Incredibles DVD and keeping us busy for a while.

Just my two cents. Religion and spirituality is open to a lot of interpretation. Of course pretty much every religion thinks they have the lock on God and spirituality. But that's the thing,  I think  when all is said and done there'll be a lot of surprises for a lot of people when they die. Their looking around heaven going, "You kidding me!? Those people got in!?"

Jehovah's Witnesses believe that only 144,000 of them will get into heaven. Yet there are over seven million Jehovah's Witnesses world wide. Talk about over booking... What do the rest of them do? Wait around on stand by? "Hey Bob! Great news! Jim committed adultery at the last minute and your in! Let's go!"

I've known a few J.W's in my time. That's one group that will be pretty surprised. And who knows, maybe there will be Mormons standing around going, "What!? You mean it would have been ok to be drinking carmel macchiatos this whole time!? -- What about me thinking I was supposed to have sixteen kids!? Wait you know what, I don't want to even know!"