Summer time is finally here with all the fun and excitement of vacations, warm weather and that quality out door time.

And more often then not, that out door time includes traveling carnivals: those proverbial fly by night amusement parks. Disneyland these carnivals ain’t, because you could never come up with a Goofy costume that looks goofier than the people that actually work at these places. I’m not sure what kind of half way house or mental institution or work release program they hire these people from, but it’s a little disconcerting to me that we are putting our lives in the hands of the guy operating the tilt a whirl who’s drunk driving lost him his license to operate a vehicle.

I might also feel a little more comfortable if these carnival employees had a dress code. Shirt and shoes required apparently only applies to the customers. I know these people don’t make a lot of money, and it’s clear they don’t have any medical benefits, especially dental, so the least management could do is throw in a uniform. Based on the prison tattoos half these people have, they’re clearly used to wearing identical clothing.

And the rides at these carnivals have scary names like the Hell Hole, The Colossus of Fury, and The Spinning Spider. None of which are actually as scary as their maintenance record. You should be so lucky they’re maintained by Manny Moe and Jack. Instead they look like they’re serviced by Larry, Darryl and Darryl. If you’re a maintenance guy at a carnival, apparently duct tape and wire hangers are your only tools of the trade.

The kind of rides they have is suspect. I was dragged to a traveling carnival last year by my family and this particular carnival had a large inflatable slide. But it wasn’t just any slide. It had a theme. The slide was an inflatable replica of the deck of the Titanic as it was sinking. The kiddies would climb to the top of the stem, then slide right down the deck to the stern below.

I’m sure it would have really gone over well that if on that fateful night of April 15, 1912 you told some poor third class passenger clinging to their loved one as they both plummeted down the deck of the Titanic into the icy waters - that in 94 years kids of all ages would be screaming with glee as their little asses reenacted the same slippery trip of demise; only this time instead of dying a watery death at the bottom, they’d just be throwing up from eating too many corn dogs.

The fact that somebody actually thought a slide reenacting the sinking of the Titanic was a good idea disturbs me. Because if that’s the idea that got the green light, I’m really curious to see the other human tragedies the carnival company passed on. Was bungee jumping out of a burning replica of the Hindenburg too much? How about a wave pool that reenacts last year's tsunami?

PT Barnum, the master of traveling entertainment is rumored to have once said that nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public. And the traveling carnival is the intellectual equivalent of Paris Hilton at a Mensa Convention. Now granted traveling carnivals are a staple of summer time activities; but so is poison ivy. And I do my best to avoid both.

If anything good has come out of taking my child to a traveling carnival, he now understands the value of a college education… Or at the very least getting a GED.