I see this homeless guy today with a sign, "Will work for food." Which I never understood. I mean if I were homeless, I wouldn't want food. I would want things like bricks, lumber, aluminum siding. Maybe at the very least a gift card to the Home Depot. I mean if you're homeless, shouldn't a house be your primary objective? Maybe that's how ginger bread houses got started. Some homeless guy worked, got food, and used it to build a house at the same time. But then he winds up getting hungry so eats it and is back to being homeless again. Homelessness is such an perpetuating circle.

I read this article once about homeless Eskimos. I'm not sure how an Eskimo become homeless. What does he do? Blame it on global warming?

Anyway, I ignored the homeless guy and looked straight ahead at the red light. I hate it when I pull up to a read light and there's one of those homeless people right there. It's not so bad if you have the proverbial buffer car in front of you. Then they have to deal with it. But when you are right up front, they're looking at you. I just try to look straight ahead, fool with the radio, make sure my registration and insurance card are not out of date. Anything not to act like I see the guy.

So, I ignored the homeless guy, but that got me thinking: I am actually hungry myself. I could go for a Roasted Chicken Club from Arby's. I think that's how their new slogan, "I'm thinking Arby's" actually began.

So I show up to Arby's and ordered a Roasted Chicken Club sandwich. But when I sit down and take a bite, I find out its ice cold. I mean, the cheese isn't even melted. I take it up to the counter and tell the manager. He tries to tell me it's supposed to be a cold sandwich.  I said to him, it's called a Roasted Chicken Club sandwich. Roasted means hot. He proceeds to tell me no, it's a cold sandwich. Now, I've eaten this sandwich a million times. In fact one time I ordered it in the drive-through and accidentally dropped it in my lap. It was so hot, it burned my crotch. My law suit is pending.

But that's beside the point. I know this sandwich is supposed to be hot and this guy is trying to lie to me like I'm Judge Judy. So I tell him once again, no, it's supposed to be hot! So he tells me if I want he'll warm it up for me in the microwave. Great, now I am paying five bucks for left overs. I tell him no. I want a whole new ROASTED Chicken Club Sandwich. So he gives me this dirty look, but agrees. And off he goes.

So now I am proud -- I stood up for myself! I told this guy! I wanted a new sandwich and that's exactly what's happening. This guy is making me a new sandwich! This guy is back there right now - pissed off at me - making me a new sandwich... This guy is back there right now - alone - pissed off at me - making me a new sandwich. This guy is back there going, "You want a hot sandwich mister!? You got a hot sandwich! I have a spot right here between my clamy ass cheeks that's nice and warm! And while I am at it, let me put some special sauce on there for you!"

All I can see flashing through my mind is images from one of those Fox TV Shows:  Fox's Most Disgusting Surveillance Tapes Ever. Like the one where the guy took a leak in his co-workers coffee pot. Now I was never a big fan of shows like that.  I used to think it was trash TV. But now I am thinking they are a positive contribution to public awareness. I mean, how many office workers were tipped off to urine laced coffee because of seeing this show?  Now those special tablets people drop into their swimming pools have a wider scope of purpose. Your co-worker pours his coffee and sees a neon blue tint to it -- somebody needs to start asking questions. Like why nobody's ever seen Kawolski use the bathroom, yet he keeps taking so many coffee breaks in the lounge. Or why that Mister Coffee filter looks strangely a lot like my kid's diaper.

Who knows what's going on with my food. So when the guy comes back with my food, I'm nervous. I wish I had those body guards that kings and presidents have to taste their food for me. Or even those special swimming pool tablets. But I took my meal, said thank you, and left.

I then left the Arby's and had the homeless guy wash my car for me.

He gladly accepted payment in the form of Roast Chicken Club sandwich. Of course by then it was cold, but to him that really didn't make a difference.